1 Peter 3:7 Marriage Series 3

Once upon a time there was a woman who was married to an annoying man who would complain just about everything. One day he went to the creek with his mule. He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death. At the funeral, when all the men walked by the wife she nodded her head ‘Yes,’ and every time the women walked by she shook her head ‘No.’

The minister asked “Why are you nodding your head ‘Yes,’ for men and shaking it ‘No’ for women?” Her response was, “The men would say how sorry they felt for me and I was saying, “Yes, I’ll be alright.” When the women walked by, they were asking if the mule was for sale...”

It’s great to be a guy. I don’t have to worry about applying make-up every morning, or trying several different sets of clothes before I decide which one I will wear just like my daughter. In many ways, it seems that we, men in general, got the better end of the deal. HOWEVER, God put more responsibility on men than women! This is a major bummer against our flesh.

Before we get into a serious study, here are a few reasons why it is better to be a guy:
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase or less.
• Men get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• Usually everything on Man’s face stays its original color.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• Men don’t have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
• Man can “do” his nails with a pocketknife.
• Man can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes, flat.

Last week we studied what God wanted wives to do. I hope and pray that you ladies practice what you have learned. It really doesn’t do any good for you to learn from the Word of God, and then not do so.

1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, likewise, (1) dwell with them (2) with understanding, (3) giving honor to the wife, (4) as to the weaker vessel, and (5) as being heirs together of the grace of life, that (6) your prayers may not be hindered.

There are five commands and one warning from God to us within v. 7:
1) DWELL WITH THEM

A godly husband abides with his wife. He doesn’t merely share a house with her; he truly shares life with her.

A godly husband has undertaken the formidable task of understanding his wife. By knowing her well, he is able to demonstrate his love for her far more effectively.

A godly husband knows how to make his wife feel honored. Though she submits to him, he takes care that she does not feel like she is an employee or slave of a taskmaster.

A godly husband recognizes whatever limitations his wife has physically, and does not expect more from her than what is appropriate.

A godly husband realizes that his spouse is not only his wife, but also his sister in Christ. Part of their inheritance in the Lord is only realized in their common bond. Heirs together “reminds husbands that even though they have been given great authority within their marriage, their wives are still equal to them in spiritual privilege and eternal importance. They are ‘Joint Heirs.’

The failure to be a godly husband has spiritual consequences. It can and will hinder prayer. The word “hindered” is ekkopto [ek-kop’-to] in Greek which means to cut out, cut off. We also see this word used in Matthew.

Matt. 5:30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

That means literally God cuts off your prayer line to Him, so that He doesn’t listen to you.

We learned about wives being submissive to their husbands. That does not mean that husbands can order them around like a rooster walking around with a pompous attitude. If you do and say, “I am the head of this family.” Then your wife will say, “Oh yeah? I am the neck that turns the head.”

The Apostle Paul echoes what Peter teaches us in his letter to Ephesus.

Eph 5:25-28 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

1) Unconditional Love

Each command God gives to husbands starts with ‘Love.’ By the way, the love here is “Agape” in Greek. Many of us know that it means unconditional love.
That means: loving your wife even though she burns your food; loving your wife even if she ruins your favorite shirt; loving your wife even if she treats you bad; loving your wife even if she gains weight, and loving your wife even if she is getting old. Just remember, she is not the only one who is getting older. So are you.

Your wife needs affirmation of your love for her; that you love her no matter what.

Never forget that agape is action, not just attitude or knowledge. Make a specific effort to do loving things for your wife daily in addition to what you are. Please listen to her with a heart that considers and understands what your wife’s needs and desires are, and then act to meet those needs.

What did Christ do for His church? That is what the Lord wants us to do for our wives. Not only in our physical life, but we should also be willing to give up our emotional desires for our wives. Such as: giving up watching a ball game or any program on TV for her, giving up reading the newspaper at the dinner table, giving up going out fishing instead of doing your wife’s ‘HONEY-DO-LIST’. Yes, that is including going blouse shopping with your wife instead of a football game, without grumbling. She may try 40 different blouses from10 different stores for five hours and still hasn’t found a blouse she likes and yet she thinks it was fun.

Marriage is about loving your wife before loving yourself. Marriage is about putting her needs and desires before yours without expecting anything back from her. But the beauty of this kind of a godly marriage is that while you pour your love of God to her, she will do the same for you too. That means you are going to get what you want eventually, because she sees your love and wants to love you back.

You might think that I am telling you to be a wimp instead of a big macho man. Listen to me, my brothers, women love this kind of a godly sensitive man more than your idea of macho pig that only cares about his sexual desires.

You might say that I have been picking on men who watch ball games on TV a lot. Have you ever heard of a “Football Widow”? Don’t believe that the word didn’t come out for any reason.

Speaking of football, there is something common with husband and wives. When a husband says, “I will be there in five minutes,” while he is watching a football game on TV is equivalent with the wife’s five minutes while she is putting make-up on.

We, husbands, can be very insensitive to our wives. That translates as not caring about them. You might say, “I am not that detail-oriented,” or “I don’t want to do that kind of sissy stuff.” Let’s go back to the time when you were dating your wife before you guys got married. Did you feel the same insensitive way? I am sure that you went out of your way to please her and win her heart. What happened? Why not now? Why did you stop?

I said this before: do you know what is the most efficient way to ruin your marriage? Do absolutely nothing. It will go down the drain so fast it will make your head spin.

Loving your wife in a sensitive way and caring for her is nothing against being masculine. As a matter of fact, being insensitive is downright dumb and ungodly.

Your wife is more important than the games on TV or even your job. Some of you might say, “I am working this many hours for my wife.” There is nothing wrong with providing good things for our families. However, there is a difference between providing for your family and satisfying your quest at the expense of your family.

Our wives need the affirmation of our unconditional love over and over and over through our actions, not just words, and not just one time.

Washing your wives with the Word of God is an extremely important duty for all of us. However, it didn’t say that we could use the Word of God as a battering ram to get what we want from our wives.

As the priest of the family, husbands need to be in the Word and minister to their wives with the Word, and a gentle spirit and love.

If you really believe God and really love your wife, you’ll want her to be as close to God as possible. You can do your devotion together, pray together and seek God’s heart together. You will see how your wife’s heart will blossom because you use the Word to sanctify and cleanse her. I will be the first one to witness how the Word of God ministers to my wife Karen every day.

When the word ‘intimacy’ is mentioned, women think about a romantic dinner, a wonderful and quiet ambience, candlelight, stunning sunset, cozy and cuddling up together in front of a fireplace. What does men think about? Sex, period.

The problem with that is neither one lasts long. When all the sizzle is gone, it is not unusual to look for sizzles in a different direction with different persons. This is why you hear the song called, “Looking for love in all the wrong places.”

Some of you men think that you are a stud. Here is a true definition for a stud: It is a stupid 2 x 4 between two drywalls.

Women tend to have sex in order to have intimate love; men tend to have intimate love to have sex.

Guys, we must get out of our typical mentality about intimacy and get into the concept of the true relationship in a marriage is pleasing God and pleasing our wives, not ourselves.

Sex without signs of love is sure to create resentment, not response, from your wife. To be exact, if your wife does not feel or know you love her and you are having sex with her to meet your physical needs, she feels like she is being raped.
I am sure that none of us wants that in our marriage.

Here are some tips for you husbands to practice with your wife starting tonight:
1) Spend time together alone - really listening to your wife because you want to understand her better. Of course, this means the television will be turned off!

2) Look at your wife and move close to her while you are talking.

3) Plan for times when you will be uninterrupted and give her the gift of your interest and undivided attention.

4) Do this often, so that you get comfortable in sharing your innermost thoughts with her.

5) Pay attention to your wife when other people are around. This will mean more to her than you can ever know.

6) Don’t try to solve everything when she has a problem. She may not want you to do anything other than just listen to her and hold her close to you. Just lend your ears and shoulders and your heart.

Men look for respect from their women, women look for love from their men.

1) Be sensitive to your wife in words and actions to please her.

Be genuine, be specific, and be generous. You edify her with your spoken word.

Do not express admiration for another woman. This is never edifying to your wife. Keep your attention focused on her!

She is your God-given helper.

4) Put your wife’s needs and desires before you.

5) Pray for her daily that God’s will be done in her life.

If you want to contact the webservant of Calvary Chapel of Sahuarita, please send an e-mail.



	1 Peter 3:7 Marriage Series 3
	What does God want Husbands to do?
	Once upon a time there was a woman who was married to an annoying man who would complain just about everything. One day he went to the creek with his mule. He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death. At the funeral, when all the men walked by the wife she nodded her head ‘Yes,’ and every time the women walked by she shook her head ‘No.’ The minister asked “Why are you nodding your head ‘Yes,’ for men and shaking it ‘No’ for women?” Her response was, “The men would say how sorry they felt for me and I was saying, “Yes, I’ll be alright.” When the women walked by, they were asking if the mule was for sale...” It’s great to be a guy. I don’t have to worry about applying make-up every morning, or trying several different sets of clothes before I decide which one I will wear just like my daughter. In many ways, it seems that we, men in general, got the better end of the deal. HOWEVER, God put more responsibility on men than women! This is a major bummer against our flesh. Before we get into a serious study, here are a few reasons why it is better to be a guy: • The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. • Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. • A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase or less. • Men get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. • Usually everything on Man’s face stays its original color. • Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. • Men don’t have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt. • The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. • One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. • Man can “do” his nails with a pocketknife. • Man can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes, flat. Last week we studied what God wanted wives to do. I hope and pray that you ladies practice what you have learned. It really doesn’t do any good for you to learn from the Word of God, and then not do so. Tonight we are doing to have an in-depth study of what God wants from husbands. A. GOD’S COMMAND TO THE HUSBANDS 1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, likewise, (1) dwell with them (2) with understanding, (3) giving honor to the wife, (4) as to the weaker vessel, and (5) as being heirs together of the grace of life, that (6) your prayers may not be hindered. There are five commands and one warning from God to us within v. 7: 1) DWELL WITH THEM A godly husband abides with his wife. He doesn’t merely share a house with her; he truly shares life with her. 2) WITH UNDERSTANDING A godly husband has undertaken the formidable task of understanding his wife. By knowing her well, he is able to demonstrate his love for her far more effectively. 3) GIVING HONOR TO THE WIFE A godly husband knows how to make his wife feel honored. Though she submits to him, he takes care that she does not feel like she is an employee or slave of a taskmaster. 4) AS TO THE WEAKER VESSEL A godly husband recognizes whatever limitations his wife has physically, and does not expect more from her than what is appropriate. 5) BEING HEIRS TOGETHER IN THE GRACE OF LIFE A godly husband realizes that his spouse is not only his wife, but also his sister in Christ. Part of their inheritance in the Lord is only realized in their common bond. Heirs together “reminds husbands that even though they have been given great authority within their marriage, their wives are still equal to them in spiritual privilege and eternal importance. They are ‘Joint Heirs.’ 6) A WARNING FROM GOD - YOUR PRAYERS MAY NOT BE HINDERED The failure to be a godly husband has spiritual consequences. It can and will hinder prayer. The word “hindered” is ekkopto [ek-kop’-to] in Greek which means to cut out, cut off. We also see this word used in Matthew. Matt. 5:30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. That means literally God cuts off your prayer line to Him, so that He doesn’t listen to you. We learned about wives being submissive to their husbands. That does not mean that husbands can order them around like a rooster walking around with a pompous attitude. If you do and say, “I am the head of this family.” Then your wife will say, “Oh yeah? I am the neck that turns the head.” B. WHAT DOES THE APOSTLE PAUL SAY ABOUT HUSBANDS The Apostle Paul echoes what Peter teaches us in his letter to Ephesus. Eph 5:25-28 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 1) Unconditional Love Each command God gives to husbands starts with ‘Love.’ By the way, the love here is “Agape” in Greek. Many of us know that it means unconditional love. That means: loving your wife even though she burns your food; loving your wife even if she ruins your favorite shirt; loving your wife even if she treats you bad; loving your wife even if she gains weight, and loving your wife even if she is getting old. Just remember, she is not the only one who is getting older. So are you. Your wife needs affirmation of your love for her; that you love her no matter what. Never forget that agape is action, not just attitude or knowledge. Make a specific effort to do loving things for your wife daily in addition to what you are. Please listen to her with a heart that considers and understands what your wife’s needs and desires are, and then act to meet those needs. What did Christ do for His church? That is what the Lord wants us to do for our wives. Not only in our physical life, but we should also be willing to give up our emotional desires for our wives. Such as: giving up watching a ball game or any program on TV for her, giving up reading the newspaper at the dinner table, giving up going out fishing instead of doing your wife’s ‘HONEY-DO-LIST’. Yes, that is including going blouse shopping with your wife instead of a football game, without grumbling. She may try 40 different blouses from10 different stores for five hours and still hasn’t found a blouse she likes and yet she thinks it was fun. Marriage is about loving your wife before loving yourself. Marriage is about putting her needs and desires before yours without expecting anything back from her. But the beauty of this kind of a godly marriage is that while you pour your love of God to her, she will do the same for you too. That means you are going to get what you want eventually, because she sees your love and wants to love you back. You might think that I am telling you to be a wimp instead of a big macho man. Listen to me, my brothers, women love this kind of a godly sensitive man more than your idea of macho pig that only cares about his sexual desires. 2) Putting Her Before Yourself You might say that I have been picking on men who watch ball games on TV a lot. Have you ever heard of a “Football Widow”? Don’t believe that the word didn’t come out for any reason. Speaking of football, there is something common with husband and wives. When a husband says, “I will be there in five minutes,” while he is watching a football game on TV is equivalent with the wife’s five minutes while she is putting make-up on. We, husbands, can be very insensitive to our wives. That translates as not caring about them. You might say, “I am not that detail-oriented,” or “I don’t want to do that kind of sissy stuff.” Let’s go back to the time when you were dating your wife before you guys got married. Did you feel the same insensitive way? I am sure that you went out of your way to please her and win her heart. What happened? Why not now? Why did you stop? I said this before: do you know what is the most efficient way to ruin your marriage? Do absolutely nothing. It will go down the drain so fast it will make your head spin. Loving your wife in a sensitive way and caring for her is nothing against being masculine. As a matter of fact, being insensitive is downright dumb and ungodly. Your wife is more important than the games on TV or even your job. Some of you might say, “I am working this many hours for my wife.” There is nothing wrong with providing good things for our families. However, there is a difference between providing for your family and satisfying your quest at the expense of your family. Our wives need the affirmation of our unconditional love over and over and over through our actions, not just words, and not just one time. 3) Washing Your Wife Eph 5:26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, Washing your wives with the Word of God is an extremely important duty for all of us. However, it didn’t say that we could use the Word of God as a battering ram to get what we want from our wives. As the priest of the family, husbands need to be in the Word and minister to their wives with the Word, and a gentle spirit and love. If you really believe God and really love your wife, you’ll want her to be as close to God as possible. You can do your devotion together, pray together and seek God’s heart together. You will see how your wife’s heart will blossom because you use the Word to sanctify and cleanse her. I will be the first one to witness how the Word of God ministers to my wife Karen every day. C. THE DIFFERENCE OF INTIMACY BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN When the word ‘intimacy’ is mentioned, women think about a romantic dinner, a wonderful and quiet ambience, candlelight, stunning sunset, cozy and cuddling up together in front of a fireplace. What does men think about? Sex, period. The problem with that is neither one lasts long. When all the sizzle is gone, it is not unusual to look for sizzles in a different direction with different persons. This is why you hear the song called, “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” Some of you men think that you are a stud. Here is a true definition for a stud: It is a stupid 2 x 4 between two drywalls. Women tend to have sex in order to have intimate love; men tend to have intimate love to have sex. Guys, we must get out of our typical mentality about intimacy and get into the concept of the true relationship in a marriage is pleasing God and pleasing our wives, not ourselves. Sex without signs of love is sure to create resentment, not response, from your wife. To be exact, if your wife does not feel or know you love her and you are having sex with her to meet your physical needs, she feels like she is being raped. I am sure that none of us wants that in our marriage. D. PRACTICAL TIPS FOR HUSBANDS Here are some tips for you husbands to practice with your wife starting tonight: 1) Spend time together alone - really listening to your wife because you want to understand her better. Of course, this means the television will be turned off! 2) Look at your wife and move close to her while you are talking. 3) Plan for times when you will be uninterrupted and give her the gift of your interest and undivided attention. 4) Do this often, so that you get comfortable in sharing your innermost thoughts with her. 5) Pay attention to your wife when other people are around. This will mean more to her than you can ever know. 6) Don’t try to solve everything when she has a problem. She may not want you to do anything other than just listen to her and hold her close to you. Just lend your ears and shoulders and your heart. Men look for respect from their women, women look for love from their men. E. APPLICATIONS 1) Be sensitive to your wife in words and actions to please her. Be genuine, be specific, and be generous. You edify her with your spoken word. 2) Show your wife publicly and privately how precious she is to you. Do not express admiration for another woman. This is never edifying to your wife. Keep your attention focused on her! 3) Do not look down on your wife for anything. She is your God-given helper. 4) Put your wife’s needs and desires before you. 5) Pray for her daily that God’s will be done in her life. If you want to contact the webservant of Calvary Chapel of Sahuarita, please send an e-mail.