1 Peter 3:1-6 Marriage Series 2

Here is some advice for you that we gathered from your fellow wives before this Bible study:
1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.
2. Never let you man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.
3. Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
4. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
5. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
6. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.
7. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him “check books.”
8. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it means that you laugh at his.

Here is additional advice from husbands to wives before this Bible study:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
2. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
3. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
4. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
5. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine … Really!
6. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
7. You have enough clothes.

Ever since the Promise Keepers movement some ten years ago in the United States, pastors, Bible teachers and marriage counselors have been bombarded with the fact that husbands are insensitive dumb people and we deserve that treatment. If you notice, husbands and dads are portrayed the same way on TV sitcoms, commercials and movies. However, they left the out wives as complete and faultless saints.

If there are any of you ladies who think that you are perfect and that you do everything exactly as the Bible says, please raise your hands.

1 Peter 3:1-2 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

Nowadays, the word ‘Submission’ is some sort of a cuss word towards contemporary women. However, when we read the Bible, we find God’s instructions for wives starts in the same manner.

Eph 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Col 3:18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

What is the reason the Bible tells wives to be submissive? It goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. God created man, Adam first, then Eve. According to 1 Tim 2:11-14 and Gen 3:6, Eve intentionally reversed the chain of command and took control over Adam.

Gen 3:6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.

1 Timothy 2:11-14 Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.

From the beginning of sin, it was a matter of who-takes-control. Since then the struggle between men and women has been going on.

Ladies, do you remember when you and your daddy walked down the aisle to your bridegroom? Do you know the meaning of that?

Gen 2:21-23 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

This was the transition of authority and responsibility from God to the man to take care of the woman. The father of the bride walks his daughter down the aisle as God did with Adam and Eve. By doing so, the father was also endorsing the groom as God’s choice for her.

Does this mean man is better than women are? I didn’t say that, nor does the Bible state that. Actually, we are equal in God’s love for us. However, He is putting more responsibility on the man and that responsibility is based on seniority.

I asked you to underline “as to the Lord” and “in everything”. Your submission to your husband should be done the same way, with a willing heart as you do unto the Lord Jesus in every situation.

Some of you ladies think that you are married to an idiot. Well, we as husbands realize that we often do dumb things. However, before you decide that you’ve married an idiot, did you think that you were marrying an idiot in the beginning? Most likely not. You thought you were marrying prince charming. What happened? You got to see the real man after all the ooey gooey fog settled down. As a matter of fact, you are not the only one who feels that you got cheated. Your husband thinks that you are not the same person he dated.

If you have to compete with your husband to get things done around the house, you know that you can take him hands down. Does this mean you can treat him like an unwelcome in-law in your home? No, absolutely not!

The Word’s command of willful submission still remains, even though you are married to an idiotic insensitive lazy bum. It is not a matter of what that man can do or cannot do. It is a matter of your obedience to God’s Word. Your husband is not accountable for what you do with the Word of God, but you are.

Women need love from their husbands. This is the air you breathe into your marriage. As if love is the air in your air tank, your husband has respect as his air tank. He, with his insensitivity comes to you like an elephant and stands on your air hose that is connected to your air tank which is filled with the love you need. He stands there looking for peanuts to eat, while you cannot breathe because you don’t get the love. So what do you do? You come to his air tank that is filled with air called respect and with your beautiful thorn you puncture it. Therefore, he begins to die without your respect.

Ladies, listen to me carefully. Whenever and wherever you read in the Bible what husbands and wives are supposed to, it says, “Husband, love your wives.” But it never says, “Wives, love your husband.” Why? Because you ladies already know how to love your husbands. Your Maker builds you that way. But the Bible does tell you to submit and respect your husbands.

Some of you are thinking, “How can I respect him when he does nothing right?” Are you his judge? Are you his Maker? You are not. God’s command for you is to respect your husband whether is worthy of your respect or not.

Ladies, please watch your comments to your husband. He is not your child, sometimes he may not act a whole lot different than they but you must not talk down to him. If you do, you are removing from him his emotional shield that we call RESPECT. If you do that, he will come back at you with ugly comments or a simply withdraw.

When that happens, the communication you ladies want so badly will completely go south. Because of his silent withdrawal, the wife tends to think that it is an act of hostility towards her. That means you will change your tactic from “Talking Down” to “Nagging” which will lead to a cycle of criticism and more withdrawal.

In a Christian family seminar, J. Allan Petersen analyzed the syndrome of nagging in this manner:
Nagging is basically a woman’s weapon used against the man in her marriage. The recurrent irritation of nagging is designed to get the wife what she wants. When her husband surrenders out of exasperation, he secretly hates himself for doing it and then sets his feet a little more so that the next time around she has to nag more than she did before to accomplish the same purpose.
This state of affairs continues until finally the woman has formed a habit of nagging, and nagging to get what she wants. She really is achieving her selfish purpose at the expense of her marriage.

Don’t try to change your husband the way you want him, but ask God to change him the way He wants in your prayer. God’s way is far better than your way.

Here are the five basic rules of communication:
1) Never repeat to anyone else the things your husband shares with you privately.

2) Give your husband your total undivided attention and listen with interest while he becomes more comfortable expressing himself. Remember that it may not be as easy for him.

3) Do not interrupt him or jump to conclusions about what he is saying.

4) Acknowledge that you understand even if you disagree, and repeat his thoughts and feelings back to him so that he is sure you understand. Do not let your disagreement sound like disapproval, but make it a suggestion, let him think that it is his idea.

5) When you are sharing your thoughts, be careful never to sound as if you are heaping blame on him. When either of you goes on the defensive, your communication goes as well and rapport must be reestablished.

When it comes to “Forgive and forget,” you might say, “No way. You don’t know what he has done.” You are absolutely right. I don’t. And I don’t want to know. But please think this way with me: How would you like God to say the same thing about your prayer request and your apology for your sins? Extend mercy to your husband as much as you want mercy from God. Do not put your husband’s faults, mistakes or shortcomings into your permanent memory when he asks for your forgiveness with a sincere heart.

One husband said, “Whenever I get into an argument with my wife, she becomes historical, not hysterical.” Please do not bring back what happened before. As God does to you, forgive and forget.

Mark 11:25 And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.

1 Peter 3:3-6 Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel-- rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with (1) the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, (2) being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

It is extremely important for you ladies to understand that your inner beauty outlasts your outer beauty. I have seen so many women whom only care about their outer beauty and could care less about their inner beauty.

How can you increase your inner beauty? By following the Word and having a deeper relationship with Jesus your Savior:
1) The incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is very precious in the sight of God.

2) Being submissive to your husband

I have been asked if it is right for Christian women to wear make-up. J. Vernon McGee said, “If the barn needs painting, paint the barn.” I believe she should keep herself attractive for her husband.

The Bible is so straight forward that sometimes it is uncomfortable for me to talk speak about it, and this is a case in point. But I must talk about it.

1 Cor 7:3-5 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Please do not use sex to fight against your husband or to make your point. If you do, you are the one who is asking for trouble from satan and his hosts to tempt your husband.

G. APPLICATIONS
1) Remember that your husband does not read your mind. Please communicate to him clearly with respect.

2) Instead of nagging your husband to do what you want him to do, encourage him to do the things you want with respect for him.

3) Do not use sex as leverage to win what you want because as the wife of your husband, your body does not belong to you alone anymore.

4) Respect your husband, so that you can win his heart for God’s glory.

It is not about your husband deserving your respect or feeling respect for him or not, it is a command from God to you, not a suggestion.

If you want to contact the webservant of Calvary Chapel of Sahuarita, please send an e-mail.



	1 Peter 3:1-6 Marriage Series 2
	What does God want Wives to do?
	Here is some advice for you that we gathered from your fellow wives before this Bible study: 1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. 2. Never let you man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone. 3. Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types. 4. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it. 5. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 6. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions. 7. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him “check books.” 8. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it means that you laugh at his. Here is additional advice from husbands to wives before this Bible study: 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 2. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 3. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 4. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 5. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine … Really! 6. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 7. You have enough clothes. Ever since the Promise Keepers movement some ten years ago in the United States, pastors, Bible teachers and marriage counselors have been bombarded with the fact that husbands are insensitive dumb people and we deserve that treatment. If you notice, husbands and dads are portrayed the same way on TV sitcoms, commercials and movies. However, they left the out wives as complete and faultless saints. If there are any of you ladies who think that you are perfect and that you do everything exactly as the Bible says, please raise your hands. Let’s find out from the Bible what God wants wives to do in their marriage. A. SUBMISSION - A TEN LETTER TABOO WORD 1 Peter 3:1-2 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Nowadays, the word ‘Submission’ is some sort of a cuss word towards contemporary women. However, when we read the Bible, we find God’s instructions for wives starts in the same manner. Eph 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Col 3:18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. What is the reason the Bible tells wives to be submissive? It goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. God created man, Adam first, then Eve. According to 1 Tim 2:11-14 and Gen 3:6, Eve intentionally reversed the chain of command and took control over Adam. Gen 3:6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. 1 Timothy 2:11-14 Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. From the beginning of sin, it was a matter of who-takes-control. Since then the struggle between men and women has been going on. Ladies, do you remember when you and your daddy walked down the aisle to your bridegroom? Do you know the meaning of that? Gen 2:21-23 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. This was the transition of authority and responsibility from God to the man to take care of the woman. The father of the bride walks his daughter down the aisle as God did with Adam and Eve. By doing so, the father was also endorsing the groom as God’s choice for her. Does this mean man is better than women are? I didn’t say that, nor does the Bible state that. Actually, we are equal in God’s love for us. However, He is putting more responsibility on the man and that responsibility is based on seniority. I asked you to underline “as to the Lord” and “in everything”. Your submission to your husband should be done the same way, with a willing heart as you do unto the Lord Jesus in every situation. B. WHAT IF I’M MARRIED TO AN IDIOT? Some of you ladies think that you are married to an idiot. Well, we as husbands realize that we often do dumb things. However, before you decide that you’ve married an idiot, did you think that you were marrying an idiot in the beginning? Most likely not. You thought you were marrying prince charming. What happened? You got to see the real man after all the ooey gooey fog settled down. As a matter of fact, you are not the only one who feels that you got cheated. Your husband thinks that you are not the same person he dated. If you have to compete with your husband to get things done around the house, you know that you can take him hands down. Does this mean you can treat him like an unwelcome in-law in your home? No, absolutely not! The Word’s command of willful submission still remains, even though you are married to an idiotic insensitive lazy bum. It is not a matter of what that man can do or cannot do. It is a matter of your obedience to God’s Word. Your husband is not accountable for what you do with the Word of God, but you are. C. RESPECT IS THE ONLY THING YOUR HUSBAND HAS Women need love from their husbands. This is the air you breathe into your marriage. As if love is the air in your air tank, your husband has respect as his air tank. He, with his insensitivity comes to you like an elephant and stands on your air hose that is connected to your air tank which is filled with the love you need. He stands there looking for peanuts to eat, while you cannot breathe because you don’t get the love. So what do you do? You come to his air tank that is filled with air called respect and with your beautiful thorn you puncture it. Therefore, he begins to die without your respect. Ladies, listen to me carefully. Whenever and wherever you read in the Bible what husbands and wives are supposed to, it says, “Husband, love your wives.” But it never says, “Wives, love your husband.” Why? Because you ladies already know how to love your husbands. Your Maker builds you that way. But the Bible does tell you to submit and respect your husbands. Some of you are thinking, “How can I respect him when he does nothing right?” Are you his judge? Are you his Maker? You are not. God’s command for you is to respect your husband whether is worthy of your respect or not. Ladies, please watch your comments to your husband. He is not your child, sometimes he may not act a whole lot different than they but you must not talk down to him. If you do, you are removing from him his emotional shield that we call RESPECT. If you do that, he will come back at you with ugly comments or a simply withdraw. When that happens, the communication you ladies want so badly will completely go south. Because of his silent withdrawal, the wife tends to think that it is an act of hostility towards her. That means you will change your tactic from “Talking Down” to “Nagging” which will lead to a cycle of criticism and more withdrawal. In a Christian family seminar, J. Allan Petersen analyzed the syndrome of nagging in this manner: Nagging is basically a woman’s weapon used against the man in her marriage. The recurrent irritation of nagging is designed to get the wife what she wants. When her husband surrenders out of exasperation, he secretly hates himself for doing it and then sets his feet a little more so that the next time around she has to nag more than she did before to accomplish the same purpose. This state of affairs continues until finally the woman has formed a habit of nagging, and nagging to get what she wants. She really is achieving her selfish purpose at the expense of her marriage. Let’s go back to Scripture to get what God wants from you. 1 Peter 3:1-2 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Don’t try to change your husband the way you want him, but ask God to change him the way He wants in your prayer. God’s way is far better than your way. Here are the five basic rules of communication: 1) Never repeat to anyone else the things your husband shares with you privately. 2) Give your husband your total undivided attention and listen with interest while he becomes more comfortable expressing himself. Remember that it may not be as easy for him. 3) Do not interrupt him or jump to conclusions about what he is saying. 4) Acknowledge that you understand even if you disagree, and repeat his thoughts and feelings back to him so that he is sure you understand. Do not let your disagreement sound like disapproval, but make it a suggestion, let him think that it is his idea. 5) When you are sharing your thoughts, be careful never to sound as if you are heaping blame on him. When either of you goes on the defensive, your communication goes as well and rapport must be reestablished. D. FORGIVE AND FORGET When it comes to “Forgive and forget,” you might say, “No way. You don’t know what he has done.” You are absolutely right. I don’t. And I don’t want to know. But please think this way with me: How would you like God to say the same thing about your prayer request and your apology for your sins? Extend mercy to your husband as much as you want mercy from God. Do not put your husband’s faults, mistakes or shortcomings into your permanent memory when he asks for your forgiveness with a sincere heart. One husband said, “Whenever I get into an argument with my wife, she becomes historical, not hysterical.” Please do not bring back what happened before. As God does to you, forgive and forget. Mark 11:25 And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. E. KEEP YOURSELF ATTRACTIVE TO YOUR HUSBAND INSIDE AND OUTSIDE 1 Peter 3:3-6 Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel-- rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with (1) the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, (2) being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. It is extremely important for you ladies to understand that your inner beauty outlasts your outer beauty. I have seen so many women whom only care about their outer beauty and could care less about their inner beauty. How can you increase your inner beauty? By following the Word and having a deeper relationship with Jesus your Savior: 1) The incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is very precious in the sight of God. 2) Being submissive to your husband I have been asked if it is right for Christian women to wear make-up. J. Vernon McGee said, “If the barn needs painting, paint the barn.” I believe she should keep herself attractive for her husband. F. DO NOT USE SEX AS YOUR WEAPON The Bible is so straight forward that sometimes it is uncomfortable for me to talk speak about it, and this is a case in point. But I must talk about it. 1 Cor 7:3-5 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Please do not use sex to fight against your husband or to make your point. If you do, you are the one who is asking for trouble from satan and his hosts to tempt your husband. G. APPLICATIONS 1) Remember that your husband does not read your mind. Please communicate to him clearly with respect. 2) Instead of nagging your husband to do what you want him to do, encourage him to do the things you want with respect for him. 3) Do not use sex as leverage to win what you want because as the wife of your husband, your body does not belong to you alone anymore. 4) Respect your husband, so that you can win his heart for God’s glory. It is not about your husband deserving your respect or feeling respect for him or not, it is a command from God to you, not a suggestion. Eph 5:33 Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. If you want to contact the webservant of Calvary Chapel of Sahuarita, please send an e-mail.